Tuesday, October 09, 2001

It's night. Pitch Black darkness. If that doesn't make it hard enough to see, the steam billowing off of the water is whipped cream. Air is cold; I can see my breath. But the water is so warm and it cradles me in it's big wet arms.

It's late and we snuck off to the heated pool featured at our families' resort. A couple of people are out in the hottub, but it's too crowded for us. We want to be alone. My skin raises in gooseflesh and I shiver. The night is cold. Especially in November. I know, it's Florida. But some freak cold wind rushed by just in time for our vacation. My hair is sopping from swimming underwater, my make-up is clinging for dear life onto my face. My bathing suit is too small (borrowed from little sister). But it still feels great. Better than being locked up in the room with a tv and double beds. I go underwater again to feel the warmth swallow up my head. I feel hands around my waist, pulling me down further. When we come back up, he smiles and wraps his arms once more around me.

He traces a line down my arm, then rubs back up, making me shiver. I shake my head like a wet dog, making him back up and laugh. But only a few seconds pass before he comes back. He pulls me to the side of the pool, holding him against me. He feels me shivering uncontrollably. "Let's make you warm,"he whispers, his lips grazing my ear.

He's massaging my shoulders and my back gently, then sliding his hands over the delicate creases in my stomach. My muscles quiver; it only encourages him more. He strokes my hips and my thighs. I'm relaxing so much that only the water is holding me up. Then he slides his hands lower, teasing the elastic of my bikini. When his hands go in he pauses, making sure I'm okay. I only close my eyes and lean in reply.

His fingers pet and explore, finding my clit and cradling it with his fingertip. Then lifting me from behind, he faces me toward him. I fall against his shoulder in pleasure. His fingers are going deeper inside of me and I'm moaning softly. But then when he tries to take my bikini off completely I stop him. "No,no. Not now."I say, but reluctantly.

He sighs and lets me go. I sink underwater, letting all of my breath out on the way. I sit on the bottom for a while, wondering if I'd ever come back up. Then I hear my name "elise, elise, elise". It's him. His dad is there to get him. I wait for him to dissapear, then wrap myself up in towels and walk back to the room.

Back at the room I take a loong shower, conscious of my skinny body and fading tan. I use a sponge and scrub myself off, pausing between my legs. I wondered what would have happened if I didn't stop him.

And to think that really did happen.

Saturday, October 06, 2001

MMM. Just thinking.

I think I might marry a hispanic man. Just imagine...

It's Cinco De Mayo. It's hella hot. We are dancing around in the streets wearing adorned skeleton masks eating sugary skull shaped cookies. His brown skin glistens and my cream skin glows and we are swaying and laughing. Then he pulls me close and whispers seductively in my ear something in spanish that I can't understand, but it sounds so good anyway. He pulls me into a little alley away from the crowd and it smells like spicy food and cinnamon. He kisses my lips, catching the lower one in his teeth and biting it gently. He presses his hips made for dancing against mine and soon we are making love in the dim light of the candled parade.

It sucks being a teenager. It's the time when your parents are like "GROW UP!" and "STAY A KID!" all at the same time. My mom just about freaked out when she found out Whitney was on Depo Vera. She's like "Is she active?" Then she freaked out even more when I told her I wanted it.

Okay so I know we have to be more responsible, but we don't get anything to be more responsible about because our parents don't want us to grow up and give us no more priveleges than a fucking eight year old. If she doesn't want me having sex than she can give me a chastity belt for God's Sake!! She could at least encourage me to be safe about it instead of banning it. Cuz what does that do? Make me rebel that's what. You'd think they'd figure that out by now.

Of course I don't want to end up pregnant like some of my other friends cuz I know I wouldn't be able to go through with an abortion but I also know that I could never keep it. And Scott (stepdad) would probably kick me out of the house (which, when I think about it, isn't such a bad thing cuz then I could move in with my dad). But anyways, there are really some heavy-duty problems attached.

ACH ACH ACH ACH ACH. Being a virgin sucks. Wish to relieve myself of my holiness.

Tuesday, October 02, 2001

OH gosh.

I really need a boyfriend.

Yesterday I was sitting on the bleachers at gym with Whitney, Chayne (Whitney's BF), and J.P. and Tamisha comes storming over like a tornado yelling and screaming about something. So J.P. hides behind me and slides his hands up my waist, almost under my shirt. I squeal but I'm really thinking that felt good, I wish he really was my boyfriend so he could do that all the time. It's kinda dumb but I am a very touchy-feely kind of girl. It's cuz I come from an affectionate family.

Ah, I need to go.

Goodbye my men.

Monday, October 01, 2001

Dear A.M.O.T. (all men out there),

Are you a loser? Seriously. Look inside your self and be honest. Are you a LOSER? Well, if you answered yes, chances are you'll fall deeply in love with me. Why? Because I have an uncanny knack to attract losers!!

I have no idea why. I am a good-looking, fun-loving, peppy blonde who loves to flirt. I'm smart, all-around nice to talk to, and very artistic. I am loyal, and not stuffy. I mean, not to brag of course!

So if anyone out there could explain, please do as soon as possible. Meanwhile, you'll be getting more mail from me.